Your Shirt Doesn’t Fit!

OK so one of my pet peeves – and I’m really not sure why – are those shirts that women wear that have clearly been zoned for small to medium boobs.  If you are a woman who has shopped in the last oh, say, few years, you will know exactly which ones I’m talking about.  They are the shirts that have a horizontal seam that – LADIES – is NOT supposed to go above your boobs, across the middle of your boobs, but BELOW (underneath, south of) your girls.  If you wear these shirts in this fashion, you are either in denial that your boobs are too big for this particular style shirt or don’t have a girlfriend, sister, husband, or co-worker who cares enough about you to tell you the truth about your fashion NO-NO!  So if you don’t have one of these confidants, I would like to fill in. 

Girlfriend…your shirt doesn’t fit….don’t wear it!

That’s NOT A’more!

Philadelphia is one of the most beautiful cities in the country, especially Old City, the historic district in which I live.  There are endless things to do, eat, and explore…not to mention the breathtaking Autumn colors which I love!  There is one thing about living in the city that I dispise more that getting hit up by the homeless folk in Center City.  The squirrels I grew up with in the burbs of Cleveland, Ohio were bushy tailed little fluff balls.  They danced across our backyard and up a tree to their homes and never caused any fanfare.  They were reddish in color and were scared shitless of humans.  OH. MY. LORD.  Aside from the pigeons (which are rats in disguise as well) these city squirrels are a force to be reckoned with.  They are rude, sneaky, and will invade your body space if they’ve sized you up and think you could possibly have a morsel of food they can snatch with their little front legs and carry away to God knows where.  Their tails are sparce and their color – GRAY – ICK!

So now that you understand my feeling about city squirrels, I must move to my love for Philly pizza.  NOT quite as good as pizza in New York City, but definitely a close second.  I will admit that I eat pizza at least once or twice a week because of that damn Margherita Pizzeria on 2nd and Walnut.  “I’m addicted to your pizza, how you dote all the HE** over my 4 year old son and how he “Ciaos” you when he leaves your pizzeria!”

YELP.com - I get email updates from Yelp.com with reviews on topics pertinent to Philly.  While I was away over Labor Day, I received an email from Yelp with the subject:  “When the Moon Hits Your Eye…”  I got a little excited as I read the subject out loud because I know the second part of that is “Like a big pizza pie”.  So I immediately clicked on it to open the email in anticipation of a fabulous review of potential pizzerias I may not know about.

CLICK…..email opens…..

SHEER MORTIFICATION!  The first thing I saw was this photo with the caption, “Is there anyone who doesn’t love pizza?”  I got an immediate visual of these ruthless vagrants hijacking some poor tourist who isn’t aware of their shenanigans.  Eat it up you creepy fur balls.  I’m going to go gag myself (again) and try to wash that visual out of my head.  When I walk by you in the park while eating, you may stare at me like a naked peanut…stripped of it’s shell…just ready to snatch away to your lair…but know that I’m onto you.  You will always give me the eebie-jeebies and if you know what’s good for you, you will run…run like the wind!